The Power of Pasta - (Parody)

Let me bring light to one of the facts about noodles.  Pasta is a highly complex food source.  Indeed, pasta is composed in large part by complex carbohydrates – emphasis on complex.  From whence does the complexity of noodles arise from?  Can you really say that nature, or man, could possible have created such a complex system?  The truth can only be found by worshipping his Noodlieness in which you will find, as I and many others have, that his Noodlieness created all pasta in the beginning. 

All you pasta evolutionists will claim that pasta has evolved from ancient noodles such as those made by the Chinese.  Please, please tell me how the more advanced noodles like spiral rigatoni, or tubular penne, or Spaghetti-Ohs evolved from those flat egg noodles of the Chinese.  Moreover, how do you explain that both Chinese noodles and the noodles of today both still exist!  Explain me that one!  Besides, we all know that pasta was created in his Noodlieness’ image – that being of spaghetti – and thus the first pasta was spaghetti and thus being the superior one.  The fact that there is far more spaghetti in the world than any other pasta is proof that spaghetti is the superior to all other pasta, and also that it was the first.  If you try to show me evidence of Chinese noodles existing before spaghetti, it’s simply your inability to find examples of spaghetti before Chinese noodles or your reliance on your ‘science’ which supposedly can date food items. 

For all you unbelievers I ask where you get your morality.  I’m not talking about morality like the Ten Commandments, but morality concerning pasta.  How do you know which way is best (i.e. ethical) to scoop many of the various noodles into your oral cavity?  How do you know which wine to have with your pasta and which sauces go with which pastas?  Without his Noodlieness to guide us in our pasta morality, we’d all be eating lasagne with a spoon, or having white wine with red sauces, or putting alfredo sauce on Rigatoni.  We all see these combinations occurring in the world, and it is only caused by those who do no believe in his Noodlieness.  Indeed, show me a single person who truly follows his Noodlieness and who commits these atrocities to noodlekind.  Show me where I could find such a person.  You cannot. Moreover, most of the world follows the examples laid down by his Noodlieness, and thus it is proven that all people get their pasta morality from his Noodlieness. 

For any of you questioning the power of his Noodlieness, I ask you to create a figure eight out of a spaghetti noodles and then tip it over on its side.  Behold – an infinity symbol!  Even you cannot deny the fact that spaghetti can at any time be twisted into an infinity symbol thus proving his Noodlieness’ ultimate and infinite power.